I turn 40 in October. Besides the start of my fifth millennium on this planet, this birthday marks another ‘celebration’:
My ten-year RAnniversary.
This isn’t an occasion I particularly want to celebrate, but as this period covers a quarter of my life, it is a good moment to reflect. Since 2003 my life has had an uncanny resemblance to a rollercoaster ride. There were periods when I ascended out of physical and mental depths agonizingly slowly and sometimes these times were followed by me plunging into the abyss. Losing my job and being labeled with a disability status was one of those low points. On the other hand the birth of my amazing son was an incredible high!
Sometimes it feels as if I have become a different person in the last decade. In a sense I have definitely grown and have come to terms with having RA, though at times I can certainly curse this wretched disease. I have become more serious in the past ten years, but at the same time I am much more at ease with myself as a person. I am a lot happier with the way I am leading my life. Physically it is a lot more evident that I have aged ten years and the RA has only enhanced this process. My reaction time has slowed down and more people keep telling me how I’m ‘graying nicely’. If you add stiff joints and limited energy to the equation, I conclude that I have definitively left my youth behind me. This is not a bad thing. On the contrary, a software application only gets better when more constructive works is done and thus lasts longer, ‘bugs’ get removed and new features are added. I see myself as an improved version of my former self:
I am not 40.
I am Ferhaan 4.0
Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.
©Ferhaan Kajee, October 2013