Waiting Rooms

Waiting Rooms

A hospital waiting room is one of those places where you can watch people work. Doctors, nurses and other hospital staff walk swiftly by the waiting areas with a definite purpose in their stride. This is their turf and boy, do they make a show of it in the way they walk. They always seem to be in a hurry, their white coats fluttering in their self-created vortex, barely having the chance to acknowledge the waiting patients, let alone greet them.


Photo courtesy of Cadtek Design LLC © 2008

If you’re lucky, your specialist has a waiting room with a clear view of the receptionists’ desk. You get to see them in their natural habitat; on the phone, working on the computer, updating charts and they even find time to deal with patients. The receptionist does all this work in an efficient, swift and somewhat disdainful manner. And they seem utterly unaware of the people waiting to see their boss. You’ll never spot them looking glancing into the waiting area, I mean come on people; they must know there are patients out there!

The waiting room is filled with people reading, playing with their mobile phones, fidgeting, looking bored and, well, waiting. Some of these people look calm, but beneath the surface they are a bit nervous. In fact all of them, patients and companions, seem unsettled. It’s never a picnic. Yet if you do a David Attenborough and observe them closely, you will distinguish different types of ‘waiters’.

There are the ‘static waiters’ who generally have their arms crossed and barely move. You have the ‘casual reader’ who nonchalantly leaves through a magazine or newspaper, tosses it on the table, looks around, smiles at one or two people and then sighs.
The ‘leave-me-alone reader’ has brought their own book and is so engrossed in it that they not only shut themselves off from the others, but they also don’t hear the doctor call their name when it’s their turn.
A rare species are the ‘manic-reading waiter’, they try to read every magazine or newspaper in the waiting room before the specialist calls them in.
A common occurrence in this habitat are the ‘chatty waiters’, who longingly scan the waiting room trying to make eye contact, so that they can attempt to strike up a conversation. Their challenge lies in trying to maintain said conversation.

The ‘posing waiter’ makes a great show of crossing and uncrossing their legs repeatedly and supporting their chin with their hand, while leaning their index finger against their cheek and resting the other fingers on the upper lip.
And of course there is the ‘fussy parent’ who insists on wheeling the pram into a cramped waiting room, taking up three seats with coats and bags and shushing their child unsuccessfully.

But a child will brighten up a waiting room; people will break into a smile and attempt to make a connection. I took Bookkid a couple of times with me on a visit to the doctor’s office when he was still in a pram. He was still a baby and was not that aware of his surroundings, but I am sure he sensed my nervousness. I have not taken him with me since then, somehow the time does not seem right to introduce him to this side of me. But I am sure there will be a time when he will accompany me and perhaps we can see how many ‘waiters’ we can identify.

Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.

© Ferhaan Kajee, November 2009

Published in: on November 19, 2009 at 10:34 pm  Comments (3)  

Groundhog Day

Bookkid went to school for the first time this week. In fact it was his first “practice” day. He actually starts on the 27th of November, the day after he turns four years old, but he gets to go to school five mornings before that, so he can get used to the new surroundings, the other children and the teachers.

It was strange standing outside the school with the other parents, waiting for the doors to open. You could distinguish us from the other Mums and Dads though, Bookkid had both his parents with him and I was packing my camera. But I think the most notable difference were our happy faces, beaming with pride. And Bookkid did do us proud. He was literally jumping up and down with excitement. We had been to the school the day before, so that Bookkid could meet his teacher and see where his classroom, toilets and such are. He also got to pick out a sticker to mark “his” chair and coat hook.

Bookkid's chair at school

When the doors finally opened he literally pulled me inside, hung up his coat on his hook, went inside his classroom and immediately found his chair. Preparing him for school had apparently paid off, because there were no tears when we kissed Bookkid goodbye, well no tears were shed by Bookkid…

His teacher brought him outside to us at noon and obviously we were very pleased when she reported to us that Bookkid did very well. In fact he collected his first compliment from her, she called him a “kanjer” (a star), which confirmed my belief that my son is indeed not only gifted, but also a genius…

I like Bill Murray’s acting work. There are few comedic actors that can keep such a straight face when absurd things happen to them. So I watched Groundhog Day when it was on television a few weeks back, and as usual Murray cracked me up. But while watching it this time it dawned on me that I experience regular RA-Groundhog Days. At least that’s what it feels like after six years of having RA. I have this Groundhog Day feeling most when I have a flare. By now I have had many flares and the last few times I had one, it felt as if history was repeating itself. I experience the same sensation when my knees play up the day after I was on my feet for a longer time than usual.

I think everybody experiences Groundhog Days in one way or another in their lives, and that is to be expected. We all have certain routines or go to certain places at fixed times, it is inevitable. And on this level I will be experiencing many Groundhog Days once Bookkid really starts school. But RA-Groundhog Days are on another level, because it makes the RA very definite. It makes me realize, I’ve been through a lot of the aches and pains and flares before. It makes me feel like an RA-veteran. And strangely enough, that is a good thing, because it gives me confidence in dealing with RA. I know I bounce back after a flare. I know I will feel better, once the flare is over. I just have to be (a) patient.

Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.

© Ferhaan Kajee, November 2009

Published in: on November 8, 2009 at 10:59 am  Leave a Comment  

Sweet Goodbyes

Yesterday Bookkid (my son) and I were playing with his blocks. After having built yet another tower, he turned the block container upside down, fetched his drum sticks and started drumming. He told me we were going to sing a song, you see as any three year old he does not ask much, but he sure tries to order everyone around a lot. Obviously he picked his favourite song of the moment, ‘Sweet Goodbyes’. I wish you could hear him sing this song, because it melts my heart and creates one of those incredible moments when I forget I have RA.

Boekgirl (my wife, this is her twitter alias) and I love music and have managed to pass this passion on to Bookkid. We put on music we enjoy and Bookkid enjoys listening to it too. Since he was a baby I sang a song to him before he goes to sleep. Besides nursery rhymes like ‘Baabaa black sheep’ and twinkle twinkle little star’, I would sing ‘love me tender’ and ‘wonderful tonight’ after which he would often fall asleep. As a parent with RA, music is a great tool to connect with your child. Whether you play music or sing a long with or without Singstar on the Playstation, physically it is not taxing. And sometimes, RA-permitting, we get our feet on the floor and ‘Shake it like a tail feather’ to Ray Charles.

‘Sweet goodbyes’ is the latest and final release of the Dutch band Krezip. They reached world fame in Holland in 2000 with their single ‘I would stay’ and have not looked back. Sadly they decided to call it a day and the band gave their final performance two months ago. Krezip created their own great sound, powered by the amazing voice of Jacqueline Govaert. Her performance in their slower songs gives me goosebumps and none more so than with ‘Sweet goodbyes’.

It is a song that tells the tale of a difficult change in a person’s life and that person is consoled by the performer. It would be a perfect sound track for Daily Strength, because the comfort and warmth conveyed in ‘Sweet goodbyes’ is offered by my friends and all the other members on DS. In fact this applies to all friends and family who supported and helped me in dealing with RA. But even though Krezip released this song last year and found the right words for it, I don’t believe they were the first to do so.

Boekgirl has been singing this song to me since I was diagnosed with RA. She has done this by being there for me every single step of the way, supporting me through the good, the bad and the very bad. She’s had to deal with the fact of becoming the breadwinner of the household, while running it as well. She’s had the vision and determination to start her own business, successfully, while consoling me on not being able to work the way I was used. And besides being a great mother, she is my rock. Without her there would not have been dadwithra.com. Thank you Boekgirl, I love you.

Watch and listen to ‘Sweet goodbyes’, it’s a live version, so the sound quality could be a bit better:

Can’t sleep ’cause everything’s changing
You don’t want to leave things behind
Can’t breath ’cause too many things going on going wrong in your life

Tears in your eyes
Sweet goodbyes
I know how you feel right now
Losing dreams you’ve come to care about
I know what you need right now
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight
Get you through the night
I’ll Get you through the night

Wake up the sun’s shining bright lets go out of bed into the light
Shape up we won’t forget still there’s lots of love left to hold tight

Tears in your eyes
Sweet goodbyes
I know how you feel right now
Losing dreams you’ve come to care about
I know what you need right now
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight
Get you through the night

Everything I love between us will get us through the night
All the things we lost will teach us see
The pretty things in life
All the places that we’ve been to
The people we relate to
All the love that we give in to

Blow the tears from our eyes
Sweet goodbyes
I know how you feel right now
Losing dreams you’ve come to care about
I know what you need right now
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight
I know how you feel right now
Losing dreams you’ve come to care about
I know what you need right now
You need to come on home so I can hold you tight
I’ll get you through the night

Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.

© Ferhaan Kajee, September 2009

Published in: on September 2, 2009 at 10:31 am  Comments (1)  

What if Harry Potter had RA?

I spent most of the last three weeks reading all seven Harry Potter Books. Until now I had been put off by the hype, but I finally succumbed to it after seeing and following discussions about the latest HP movie, the Half-Blood Prince.

I totally immersed myself in this magical world created by the genius talent of J.K. Rowling. When I finished the last book in the seven part series, I stared to wonder what Harry Potter’s life would have been like if he had RA. Harry has endured a tremendous amount of hardship, so I know it must be unfair to impart this horrid disease onto him. Yet I could not resist coming up with an alternate, RA-infused version of his tales.

The story obviously starts with Harry receiving only the basics in health care due to his horrid uncle and aunt not wanting to pay more than absolutely necessary. Sleeping in a cupboard and doing all the chores in the house is not beneficial in the least. But once he arrives at Hogwarths, he is sent to Madam Pomfrey, the equivalent to a school physician, who is aghast at how far this disease has progressed! He has to wear wrist guards, which are already too small and his hands are so disfigured, he can’t hold his wand properly.

You see in the magic world of Harry Potter, RA is non-existent. It is seen as a primitive Muggle disease. Magic has more ways for dealing with the symptoms of RA and spells could do a better job than Muggle made assisting living devices. Madam Pomfrey brews a potion, which will take about two months to be fully effective, because of the severity of his symptoms, but it will cure him nonetheless. Ron and Hermoine obviously help him out in this transition period, as best friends do. They would for example carry his books to classes and use a binding spell to attach his wand to his hand because he still has trouble holding it (Hermoine had naturally done lots of research on RA and had learned this trick from the artist Renoir).

Harry Potter’s most remarkable development though, is using RA to his advantage, when fighting his arch nemesis Lord Voldemort. He develops spells that inflict RA-inspired symptoms. The spell “Inflamallus” is so effective it makes Voldermort fall off his broom, because his knees and hands swell up so much, he can literally no longer hang on. And during their final battle Harry uses the “Disfigurmantus” spell, which disfigures Voldemorts wand-hand into a claw, causing him to drop his wand. And before he can pick up the wand with his other hand, Harry Potter finished the Dark Lord off with the harshest of all spells: “Fatigura Totalis”. It is a spell that brings on fatigue that is so intense it renders a person completely immobile. The horrors of RA create the Darkest of Magic.

I am not sure if I ever use RA to my advantage. But as a dad with RA I found I have to be more creative in looking after my son, just as Harry Potter and his friends used creativity to deal with the limitations brought on by RA. As a typical three year-old, my son does not always want to go where I want him to go. And when I have a bad day, I am then not able to run after him. But when I challenge him to a race to see who can gather their shoes the fastest, he responds. What a parent with RA lacks in physical stamina, more than makes up for by using creativity.

Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.

© Ferhaan Kajee, August 2009

Published in: on August 28, 2009 at 7:41 am  Comments (10)  
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Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Ferhaan. I’m 35 years old, happily married, have a great three-year-old son and I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA).

RA is a chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disease that causes the immune system to attack the joints. It has been described as ‘a disabling a painful inflammatory condition, which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction’.  I would compare it to ‘A shot at love with Tia Tequilla’; painful, debilitating and mind numbing. Something I could definitely live without.

I was diagnosed with RA a week before I turned 30 and at the time I remember thinking it would be tough leaving your twenties, but this is a bit ridiculous! Suffice to say that my life has been turned upside down since then. I had to stop working, stop playing tennis, put a halt to my social life and, at times, be bedridden.

Then I got help. My rheumatologist set up meetings for me to see several specialists. I saw a physiotherapist who set up a program to get fitter and stronger and at the same time loosen and treat my joints. I saw an occupational therapist, who showed me how to perform every day tasks without hurting and damaging my joints, sometimes with the help of aids. And I saw a social worker who helped me deal with the anger, frustration, sorrow and acceptance of RA.

This combined effort helped my condition to stabilize. Though I realized I could never be the way I was, at the same time I had left rock bottom behind me. My wife and I decided that this was the best time to jump off a cliff: We had a baby. And this is when my life really started to turn around. Even though looking after my son is tough with RA, he is my biggest source of inspiration and energy. I went to see a career guidance counselor and discovered my passion for writing. I joined the Rheumatoid Arthritis Patients In Training (RAPIT) program and got fitter and stronger than I had thought possible. And I had managed to give RA a place in my life, though at times it still felt as a very unwelcome visitor.

On this blog I hope to write about my experiences as a Dad with RA. I welcome your comments and suggestions and initially hope to write a new piece every week.

Thank you for your time, take care of yourself and remember to keep passing the open windows.

© Ferhaan Kajee, August 2009

Published in: on August 26, 2009 at 10:56 am  Comments (9)  
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